Things I want my daughter to know about her body and self-image
By Hina Javed
23 April 2016
As a mid-life woman with a 16 year old daughter, I realize the daunting societal pressure my daughter faces on a routinely basis. I am surprised at the kind of conversation teenage girls have in their 30 minute lunch break at school; I’d like to call it a ‘fat talk and self-loathing break’. Sadly enough, the stigmas attached to a perfectly lean female body and the struggle to fit into a size zero dress is not just a western notion; it has long taken over the minds of Asian girls who now suffer from extremely low self-esteem and body related issues. It will not shock a single mother, but for me, I am surprised at the lot of harmful advertisements, blog posts and other websites that deluge our computer screens while we browse the internet. Some way or the other, we are all being targeted to constantly hate our bodies in ways we can’t even comprehend which we then pass on to our daughters without even realizing it.“I still consider myself lucky, because I get three meals a day and a bed to sleep in,” says Hemma. There are men who come looking for employment from interior Sindh but when they fail to do so, they sleep on the roads, he further added.
As I put the last serving of crème brulee pie from last night’s dinner party in my daughter’s lunch box, she says “No mum, this is going to make me fat. See how much weight I’ve put on since last year.” Darn, yes! Girls do put on weight as they grow up. Our bodies are not just made up of fat; they also carry our organs, bones and muscles. Unfortunately, media has only taught our female youth to focus on the number on the scale, a sickly emaciated body and a thigh gap. Well, this is not what our girls have to offer to the world. Sure, we do all do things to come under the limelight but where does that get us? The internet and social media has made the lives of our youth miserable to the extent that each day is battle for them to impress their peers. It has consumed every minute of their lives.
As a mother, I ask for one thing from every parent; teach your daughter to love her body, not for how physically pleasing it is to the society but for how beautiful it is from the inside. Out of the entire population that they try to impress, only an insignificant chunk will ever give a passing glance at them. We should teach them to love and respect these temporary acquaintances that they meet on a daily basis but not to constantly try to please them and worry about their opinions and judgments. We gain nothing from it except an on-going mental and physical trauma which takes on the form of various damaging psychological illnesses. Most of us remain unaware of the dangers of the fad diets our daughters follow on a repetitive basis and instead encourage it by saying that they are living a ‘healthy life.’ No, that’s not what a healthy life is! A healthy life is having a healthy mind which we and our daughters can only achieve by doing things for ourselves and becoming a healthy person from the inside. Teach them how strength equals independence and empowerment, how exercise is a lifestyle and not an obligation, how inner beauty is more important than physical beauty and how a healthy mind begets a healthy body.
Dear daughter! You will meet many people in this world who are only out there to take something from you in order to sell you something. Tell them that your self-worth does not lie on the poor judgments they make about your body by attacking your self-image and confidence. You’re worth more than a number on the scale and a size zero dress.
